I suddenly thought I was lost somewhere, I forgot everything and some things did not even achieved. I blame myself for not being so persistent, for forgetting the word diligent.
All those plans and dreams have stopped, resting somewhere, I just hope that they don’t escape me, that I will still be able to drive them to completeness. I am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that tomorrow, the aggresive me will prevail, dragging things off and making things possible. I really really was lost somewhere.
As I write this post, I remember now what is the reason. It is almost I think a year – I was badly hoping for it, I was expecting that it was ME. My heart was pumping everytime I go to that place wherein I was sure and expecting that I will get it. Until came a day when they told me that it wasn’t 🙁 ME. My world had collapsed, I was deeply sober, trying to be okay but was not. I was very very disappointed. I was even thinking to go away and leave, really yes, it came to me. I lost my motivation, I felt tired and lazy going to that place. I was lost…
Thankfully, I have a husband to talk to about these things, sharing my weepings, cries, and frustations, disappointments. He helped me rebuild myself, lifted me up and enlighten me, besides, we have a pretty daughter to keep being inspired and motivated. Although I haven’t done and achieved those, I have many beautiful persons behind, my fall equals many catches.
Now I am back to being somehow motivated to work, believing that someday, or better yet, tomorrow – those BIG D will be mine, grace by God. I learned my lesson not to expect a lot, so the pain will be gone – or at least less. Life teaches me to be adamant and become more diligent. Plus my loving family and beautiful people around.
God bless us all. Life is beautiful!